Self Care for Writers: Finding Other Writers

Rachel Carson, an American marine biologist, writer, and conservationist accepted the Achievement Award of the American Association of University Women. In her acceptance speech, she is quoted saying:

"Writing is a lonely occupation at best. Of course there are stimulating and even happy associations with friends and colleagues, but during the actual work of creation the writer cuts himself off from all others and confronts his subject alone. He moves into a realm where he has never been before — perhaps where no one has ever been. It is a lonely place, even a little frightening."

And it's too true. In this sort of "professional loneliness," the only person who is going to write your story is you. It takes the acton of cutting yourself off from distraction to get the story written. Alternatively, once the story is written, one must go to the other extreme of expanding your community to share with as many people as possible.

And Carson, in her infinite wisdom, rest her soul, continues this thought process in a letter written to  Dorothy Freeman:

"You are wise enough to understand that being “a little lonely” is not a bad thing. A writer’s occupation is one of the loneliest in the world, even if the loneliness is only an inner solitude and isolation, for that he must have at times if he is to be truly creative. And so I believe only the person who knows and is not afraid of loneliness should aspire to be a writer. But there are also rewards that are rich and peculiarly satisfying."

I've read the last quote several times and I get a lovely inspiration from it. Like, writers are going to struggle, so only certain people should be writers. But the end result makes it all worth it.

That being said, using some information from Holt-Lunstad J, Robles TF, Sbarra DA.'s research titled, "Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States," Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the United States, in his publication named "Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community" creates a visual approximation (on page 25) and makes the claim that "the mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day."

And so, we are brought to ask ourselves: Is the sometimes all-consuming act of being a writer worth that health impact?

Do I know all too well the impact that severe loneliness has had upon me? I'll carry it for a lifetime!

And that's why, my fellow writers, it's so so so so so so so so so so so so so so important to prioritize YOU. Because yes, the writing and the stories are important, but they mean nothing if it killed you to create them.

This post is a formal invitation (read: executive order) to reach out to other writers. Yes yes, family, friends, and therapists are also important but that's another blog. I'm telling you to reach out to the other people who get exactly what it's like to be a writer. The people who will read Lorrie Moore's words, look you in the eye, and match you soul for soul.

Do you think that's you? What does this excerpt from her story How to Become a Writer evoke?

"The only happiness you have is writing something new, in the middle of the night, armpits damp, heart pounding, something no one has yet seen. You have only those brief, fragile, untested moments of exhilaration when you know: you are a genius. Understand what you must do."

Tingles? Validation? Drive?

My point is, the ones who get it get it. Don't talk to a cat about physics; don't ask a tree to explain the difference between berber and frieze carpets. Being a writer is reaching as far into reality as you can so you can understand...anything. Being a writer is rendering yourself inhuman as you take on the spirit/energy/mana/vibes/essence of all around you in order to properly put the human experience into words. You are a genius. Understand what you must do.

REACH OUT TO WRITERS

I get it. You're safe in your bubble.

But you're smoking 15 cigarettes a day in that bubble.

"Okay then, how did you do it?" you ask.

Well, first, I validated myself as a writer. I am the only opinion that has final say. So mote it be.

Then I, a writer, went online.

Reddit

This is not a call to do a cannonball into the pool of socialization. This is a zero-entry pool method where we wet the bottom of our feet as step one. And that meant being online as a spectator. I joined the following subreddits:

r/writing - General discussions, advice, and resources for all types of writers

r/writers - A community for writers to share insights and support each other in the writing journey

r/writingadvice - Offers advice and discussions on writing techniques, genres, and more

r/WritersGroup - Connect with other writers and join discussions on various topics related to the craft

r/selfpublish - Focuses on self-publishing, including promotion, book design, and distribution advice

r/AskAuthors - Writers can ask published authors for tips and insights into the industry

r/CharacterDevelopment - Helps writers create well-rounded characters with personality and depth

r/BookMarketing - For authors looking to learn how to effectively market their books

r/KeepWriting - A motivational community that focuses on staying consistent and overcoming writer’s block

r/WritingPrompts - A great source of inspiration and practice, with daily prompts for all types of writers

r/ShortStories - Encourages writers to share and critique short stories

r/PubTips - a resourceful community offering advice on the publishing process, including querying agents and marketing strategies for writers

r/WritingCircleJerk - a humorous subreddit that satirizes writing communities and common clichés, providing a light-hearted take on writing discussions

r/WritersHelpingWriters - focuses on collaboration and support, where writers share resources and constructive feedback to help one another improve their craft

r/WritersIdeas - a brainstorming hub where writers can post their ideas or prompts and seek inspiration and feedback from fellow members

I was an observer. I learned from other people's experience. I'm grateful to have that opportunity and have posted and participated in kind.

qtCritique

Then I reached out to get critiques on my manuscript. This lovely website called qtcritique.com has an excellent set-up where writers read and critique the work (query letter, synopsis, short story, chapter, etc.) and earn points to then post their own pieces for critiquing.

Fellow writers over there were above and beyond helpful in their suggestions. I recommend that website for your own works. I also recommend reaching out to fellow authors because you can form groups and be comrades in the occasionally hellish landscape that is the publishing world. (or so I hear from folks on reddit--still querying, friends!)

Writing Conferences/Workshops

Being online is great and all but nothing beats the rush of in-person events. They're not usernames, they're not bound inside Zoom rectangles, the writers are there! They're real!

And you're real. You're on your way, kid.

Writers from around the area flock to one central location. This is the prime spot to say hi and ask what genre they write in. You all may be strangers at registration but, by the end of the day, loads of emails are exchanged, critique partners have been found, and you did 8-10 hours of socializing with other humans. You put down the pack of smokes that day.

Writer-centric workshops and conferences have a wealth of information from published authors and industry experts. Just read the titles of the speakers/workshops/seminars/panels that were available to writers:

But Do You NEED a Literary Agent? — Traditional vs. Self-Publishing (& What Agents Really Do)

Building Your Author Brand & Marketing Plan

How to Write Great Chapter Beginnings: The S.P.R.I.N.G.S. Method

“Writers Got Talent” — a Page 1 Critique Fest

Nonfiction Book Proposal 101: How to Sell a Nonfiction Book

ASK AN AGENT ANYTHING: Open Agent Q&A Panel

Polishing Your Novel: Key Points And Tips In Editing

Are We There Yet? How Place Informs Writing

Creating Collections

Indie Publishing Panel

What to Expect After the Book Deal: Everything You Need to Know

Examining the Paths of Successful Authors: Best Strategies Based on Advice of Bestselling Authors and Publicists from Major Publishing Houses

Amazon 101: Kindle Direct Publishing

Literary Agent Panel – Meet the Agents

Making Keywords Count: Increasing Your Book’s Discoverability on Amazon

How to Build Your Author Platform

He Said, She Said: How to Write Opposite Genders Correctly

And the LITERARY AGENTS!

Not only do they give the talks, they sit for author pitches ON THE SPOT! They're looking for writers like you and want to hear the next greatest novel. No longer are you waiting for weeks via email queries. For a changing rate depending on the conference, writers can get immediate feedback!

It's a trifecta of writer goals: improve your craft, get yourself out there for publishing, and form a community of writers.

Where can you find out more about these workshops and conferences?

Writing Day Workshops: https://www.writingdayworkshops.com/

They tour nationally in the United States and have both in person and online options.

Poets&Writers: https://www.pw.org/conferences_and_residencies

This publication keeps up to date on conferences all over! You're able to filter the search for the event type, state, and admission price.

The Write Life: https://thewritelife.com/writers-conferences/

Is actually where I found out about Writing Day Workshops. They organize them by categories of General Interest, Fiction Conferences, Blogging, Freelancing, Children's Book Writing and Illustrating, Christian Writing, and Indie Publishing and Self-Publishing.

PLUS they have international listings outside of the United States: Canada, UK and Ireland, Europe, Asia and Oceania, and Central and South America.

SelfPublishing.com: https://selfpublishing.com/top-book-conventions/

Also has an excellent list. They also have really good information on how to make a choice.

Searching "Writers Conferences + (your State or Nearest Major City)"

There is no lack of information on a search to get you where you need to go.

Online Conferences

Speaking of going anywhere, you don't even have to leave your house! Since the panini, Zoom conferences have been popping up. See where your social media algorithm takes you!

Writing Groups

Joining a writing group opens the door to a support system that can keep you motivated and engaged. Not only do you have folk that can celebrate a milestone with you, but you are the folk for other writers that celebrate with them! More celebrations for everybody because writing is not a zero-sum game!

Writing groups typically fall into a few main types and each cater to different needs:

Critique groups focus on providing detailed feedback on each other's work, allowing writers to improve their craft through constructive criticism.

Workshopping groups might have a similar feedback structure but are often more collaborative, with members brainstorming plot ideas, character development, or stylistic choices together.

Casual meetups that emphasize social interaction and support, offering a space to discuss everything from writing struggles to industry news without the pressure of critiquing work. Whether in-person or virtual, writing groups can be customized to suit each member’s needs.

Finding a writing group that fits your style and objectives may take some exploration, but plenty of options are out there.

Online, platforms like Scribophile, Critique Circle, or even forums like Reddit’s writing subreddits can be a good starting point.

Social media platforms, especially writing communities on Twitter and Facebook, also frequently feature groups or events for writers.

Locally, check library bulletin boards, bookstore event calendars, or Meetup.com, which hosts many groups for writers of various genres. Many of these spaces offer a trial period, so you can get a feel for the group dynamics before committing.

And this goes beyond logistics. Take time to find a writing group that aligns with your goals and feels like a safe, supportive space.

Ask yourself what you want out of the group: Are you looking for direct critiques, general encouragement, or a mix of both?

Consider group size as well; larger groups may offer diverse perspectives but may lack the intimacy of a smaller, more focused circle.

Also, be aware of group dynamics. Ideally, group members should be respectful, open-minded, and constructive in their feedback. Joining a group with clear guidelines for giving and receiving feedback can ensure a positive experience, helping you grow while feeling supported.

Conclusion

Being a writer means you do a lot of work on your own, but it doesn't have to be lonely! These are some, but not nearly all the ways in which you can meet other writers. So take your health into consideration with your writing, put down the cigarettes, and get to know your fellow writers.

Where have you found success in finding other writers? How did you reach out to your writing community? How have you benefitted rom having writer friends? Share in the comments below!

It takes a writer to know a writer,

Katherine Arkady